Here's the deal. We all need to say yes to requests and asks that come our way. It's part of our day and of our work. It feels good to help others. It also feels even better when others ask us to do things no one else knows how to do! We're being seen and noticed as the experts or experts in the making!
The problem is that when we say yes to too many things, we lose focus. Our container is overflowing with things we said yes to. At times, we also can't finish our tasks on time. Moreover, as leaders, we can create a team culture that says yes to too many things, and we start losing focus as a team. In some companies, it can even be the whole company. So the question for every leader and their people is: where is our focus if we say yes to everything?
If this sounds familiar, It's probably a red flag for you and/or your team that you're saying yes to too many things. And we share with our clients: this is time to “Assess the Yes!!!”
But a moment before we assess the yes, let’s see how we got there:
How We Got Here: People-Pleasing
The problem with people-pleasing is that when we work hard to keep everyone else happy, we flip. We’re not happy anymore. Instead, we feel resentment.
Our plate is full of yeses; no one notices we’re overloaded, and no one offers to help.
That’s why we need to slow the yes down and be intentional. Here are three quick steps to “Assess the Yes.”
Step 1: Postpone the Yes
When someone asks you to help with something or take on an exciting new project, DO NOT (I repeat, do not!) respond right away. Instead of saying “yes!” in the moment, tell the person or the group you’d like a few minutes, a few hours, or even a few days to get back to them.
The key is not to leave them hanging. It’s okay to think it over, no matter how big or small the task is. Just tell them when to expect your answer.
Step 2: Assess the Yes
Lean back and ask yourself:
What makes this important to me and my team right now?
Sometimes we say yes to tasks we don’t even want. Instead of focusing only on others' needs, consider how important this task is to you and your team.
How does this connect to our vision for the year, or to our company’s purpose?
When your manager, the CEO, or the board brings a new idea, pause the yes and ask: how does this connect to our vision and purpose? Even our leaders get excited about ideas. Slowing down and asking this question shows where our focus is, and whether we’re pulling ourselves and our team away from our vision and purpose.
When your team starts asking you this question, you know you did something well!What will we stop doing to make room for this?
This question protects your team’s focus. If you don’t have the capacity and still want to take on the task, decide what comes off the list, then talk it through with your leaders. Prepare well for that conversation.What will this cost us six months from now?
Maybe you have the capacity for now. But will this yes still be sustainable for you and your team in the long run?Yes, But Not Now
Not every yes needs to happen today. Sometimes the answer to a request isn’t yes or no. It’s “yes, but not now.” The idea may be good, but the timing isn’t. Say it clearly, and say when: “Yes, let’s revisit this in Q2.” You keep the door open without overloading your plate or your team’s. It's also a great way to self-manage you and your team when you brainstorm ideas.
Step 3: Peering - Find a Yes Buddy
Assessing the yes alone isn’t enough. We’re too close to our own yes. A Yes Buddy, like an accountability partner, asks you the same questions you ask yourself (and maybe a few more). You go through them together to make sure you’re saying yes to the right things and staying focused.
On a leadership team, pair leaders across functions. A buddy from another team sees what your yes will cost their people before it escalates.
So remember: postpone the yes, assess the yes, and don’t assess it alone.
Try it at your next leadership meeting: before anyone says yes to a new initiative, pair up and ask each other these questions.
So remember, first, postpone the Yes. Then assess the Yes; don’t assess it alone - identify/assign a peer to be a Yes Buddy, and when the timing is wrong, say “yes, but not now.”
Check Noa’s YouTube video below.
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